How To Torture The XMen
by thanks.M.for.E.the.Z.memories
Summary: Featuring some random peeps and decaydance bands
1. Chapter 1

How To Torture The X-Men

(Featuring Decaydance bands and me... YAY ME!)

I own me... and some characters that you have never heard of. Other than that I'm just a broke Decaydace/X-Men fan from the hellhole called Indiana.

(After Apocalypse was defeated, the X-Men returned to a normal (well normal for them) life. One particular day they were all sitting around for breakfast... AND THIS IS WHERE I COME IN TO RUIN THEIR LIVES!!! **evil laugh**

Me (Voice): Ello mates.

Alex: Did you guys hear that?

Kurt: I only heard it if you heard it.

Me: How are all of you mutiez doing today?

Wolverine: WHO ARE YOU!?

Me: Shut up James.

Wolverine: Who's James

Me: You... I know all about your past.

Wolverine: YEAH RIGHT!

Me: James Patricia Howlett, was born in Canada. Then one day, an evil man named Mr. Mann.

Kitty: His name is mann?

Me: SHUT UP SLUT!

Kitty: I'M NOT A SLUT!

Me: BACK ONTO TOPIC! After you were kidnapped by the evil man you were forced to teach.

Wolverine: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait... what do you mean by that?

Me: You were a substitute teacher... With minimum wage.

Wolverine: AHHHHH!!!!!!!! THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Wanna know the worst part is?

Wolverine: (Shakes head no)

Me: You taught at the hell hole of a school called Craig Middle School. IN INDIANA!!!!!  
Wolverine: INDIANA IS THE MOST BORING STATE IN THE WORLD!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Me: (Evil Laugh)

Kitty: Wait what does that have to do with him getting his metal skeleton?

Me: I'LL TELL YOU SLUT IF YOU SHUT UP!!!

Kitty: I AM NOT A SLUT!!!!

Me: Sure... Okay... While you were teaching, another evil man known as Mr. Knoderererererererer fired you because you because you were a suck ass teacher. And you got all depressed... You drank a lot of beer, then you became so drunk you thought you had a metal skeleton.

Wolverine: But I do have a metal skeleton.

Me: No you don't... You just imagined it. And you're not even a mutant. You are just a dumb ass Canadian substitute teacher.

Rogue: HOW IN HELL ARE WE GONNA BELIEVE YOU!!!! WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE!

Me: SHUT UP! THE ONLY REASON YOU ARE SAYING THAT WOLVIE WILL FUCK YOU NOW THAT YOU TOOK THE CURE!

Rogue:...

Me: And to prove me right... Behind door number one is Warren's daddy!

Mr. Worthington: (Comes from a door that magically appears next to the regular door) Hey... what am I doing here?

Me: I summoned you.

Bobby: You can't do that!

Me: SHUT UP BOOBERT! I AM THE GODDAMN AUTHOR!

Wolverine: WE ARENT IN A BOOK!

Me: Of course not... You are in fanfiction.

Wolverine: What the hell!

Me: SHUT UP WOLVIE BEFORE I PAIR YOU UP WITH MR. KNODERERERERERERER.

Wolverine: I don't even remember the damn man!

Me: (Smirks) Well... He's short, like you. And he has the gay voice. AND HE IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING!! I MEAN WHO ACTUALLY GIVES A DAMN ABOUT THE DUMB HIGHFIVE. I'D LIKE TO TAKE ONE OF THOSE HIGH FIVE POSTERS AND STICK IT UP HIS FATASS!!!!

(Every X-men person stares at her)

Me: Whoops sorry... Had a moment there. Now let's bring out person from door number two!

Mr. Knodererererer: (Comes out from a door that magically appears) What the heck? (Sees Wolverine) JAMES!!!! (Goes and hugs him)

Wolverine: (In shock) ... Ugh...

Bobby: Wow he is a short ugly guy.

Mr. Knoderererer: (Stares at Bobby) That is not very respectful young man.

Bobby: Respectful my ass.

Storm: Bobby, respect your elders.

Me: Shut up Stormie.

Storm: (Crying) HOW DARE YOU TELL ME TO SHUT UP!!!

Kitty:... Storm are you okay?

Me: Yes little slut Stormie is fine.

Storm: HOW DO YOU KNOW!!!?

Me: Because I know your best kept secret and your biggest mistake.

Storm:... You do not!!!

Me: SHUT BEFORE I TELL EVERYONE!

Storm: (Crying) sorry, sorry, sorry.

Me: HAHAHAHA! I control you all!!!! FEAR ME!!!!!

Kitty: Pshhhh... You don't scare me.

Me: (Smirks) Maybe I don't... But I know someone who does.

Kitty: And who is that?

Me: I'll give you a hint.  
(All of the sudden Dance Dance starts playing)

Kitty: (Falls over from shock) HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT!?

Me: (Laughing) I know all! And to help you guys guess the next person.. Here is Vana White!

(Vana White appears with the Wheel of Fortune equipment)

Bobby: YAY I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!

Me: Vana... You know what I'm thinking right?

Vana: Of Course. (She goes over to the board thingy and makes a three word phrase)

Me: The little slut, I mean Kitty isn't allowed to say who it is.

Kitty: I CAN JUST YELL IT OUT RIGHT NOW IT'S F... (All of the sudden she falls asleep)

Me: Oh yeah! I love to be in control.

Vana: (Smiling) Okay who would like to guess the first letter.

Bobby: L!

(Jean and Scott come in)

Rogue: Where were you guys at?

Jean: (Blushes) Upstairs.

Me: Dumbasses... It's warmer in the basement.

Jean: Uh... Who was that?

Kurt: We aren't sure but be nice because she knows Vana White.

Scott: (Starts drooling over Vana)

Jean: (Getting angry)

Me: LET'S GET ON WITH THE DAMN GAME!!!!

Vana: There are two L's in the word. (Reveals two L's at the end of the first word)  
Alex: I WANNA GUESS A Y!

Vana: (Reveals a Y at the end of the last word)

Scott: (Still drooling over Vana)

Mr. Knodererererer: I WANT TO GUESS A Z!

Vana: Oh I'm sorry. (Lightning comes and strikes Mr. Knodererererer)

Alex: Hey that wasn't very nice!

Me: Who ever said I was a nice person Allen.

Alex: My name is Alex.

Me: Not anymore...

(Lightning comes and strikes Alex and a nametag appears on his shirt the reads 'Hello, my name is Allen')

Me: (Evil Laugh)

Rogue: Are you always this insane?

Me: No... But Joe won't give me any goddamn crack!!!!

Joe Jonas: (Comes in from another door) COOKIES!

Me: NOT THAT JOE!!!!!

Joe Jonas: (Crying) You don't like me?

Me: Damnit Linda... I AM CONTROLLING THE STORY!!!

Linda: HELL NO I AM!

Me: (Kills Linda) HA BITCH!!!!

Jean: Seriously... can you leave us alone.

Me: SHUT UP!!!!!! My dumbass friend isn't online so I have nothing better to do.

Bobby: Can't you go bother the Harry Potter people or something?

Me: HARRY POTTER CAN KISS MY ASS!

Vana: You know you are paying me by the hour.

Me: Ah... Right, right. Continuing on.

Scott: Vana, if I guess a correct letter can I touch your boobies?

Vana:...

Jean:...

Me:...

Bobby: I GUESS A F!

Vana: (Reveals the first letter as a F)

Bobby: OH yeah I kick ass!!!

Me: Good job Boobert.

Joe Jonas: I GUESS U!  
Me: JOE GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!

Vana: (Reveals the second letter in the second word as a U)  
Me: HEY THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO COUNT!!!!

Vana: Well what do you want me to do? Change the word.

Me: I AM TAKING IT OUT OF YOU PAY!

Rogue: I don't get it... Why do you want to bug us so much?

Me: SHUT UP YOU LITTLE WORTHLESS WHORE!!!! YOU HAD TO TAKE THE GODDAMN CURE BECAUSE YOU WERE SO PATHETIC!!!

Rogue: (Starts to cry like the little pussy she is and runs off)

Me: (Evil Laugh)  
Remy: (Comes in) That wasn't nice.

Me: HEY!!! I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO COME IN!

Remy: Remy is too sexy to be controlled.

Me: (Drools) True... Very true.

Remy: May I guess the word mon amie?

Me: (Blushes) Of course.

Remy: Remy guesses dat it is Fall Out Guy.

Me... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU CAJUN! DON'T YOU KNOW YOUR BANDS!!!!!

Wolverine: (Who is sad because Mr. Knodererererer is gone) I agree with gumbo.

Allen: Me too.

Kitty: (Wakes up) Ugh... What's going on?

Me: Oh good, the little slut will be able to help.

Kitty: I AM NOT A SLUT!

Me: Sure you're not.

Vana: (All of the sudden has Regis Philbian's voice) Is that your final answer?

Kitty: IS what our final answer?

Remy: Fall Out Guy.

Kitty: Fall Out Guy? What the heck is wrong with you it's Fall Out Boy!!!!

(All of the sudden there is a strike of lightning and Fall Out Boy appears)

Bobby: HEY!!! It's Pete Wentz, Andy Hurley, Patrick Stump, and Joe Trohman.

Me:... You know them but you couldn't guess who it was?!

Bobby: I'm stupid... Wait I didn't mean to say that!!!

Me: HA!!!! I HAVE THE POWER!!!!!

Pete: Hey there Kitty.

Kitty: Hello Peter.

(Everyone stares at FOB not knowing what is going on)

Scott: Wait... You guys know each other.

Patrick: Well of course... Pete's the little slut's brother.

Kitty: Grrrrrrr... PATRICK!!!

All of the X-men People: He is your brother?

Kitty: Hey author person... Whoever you are... I'll pay you five thousand dollars to make Patrick go away.

Me: I can't do that.

Kitty: Why not?

Me: I don't control them... They are too cool to control.

Bobby: OH SO WE AREN'T COOL ENOUGH!

Me: Haven't you guys read, 'Fanfiction Guide to Controlling Annoying Characters'?

Scott: Uh no.

(A fifty pound book falls on Wolverine's head)

Wolverine: Ha, I can just heal!

Me: No you can't... You only think you can but you can't.

Wolverine: (Heals) HA SEE!!!

Me: You only think you healed.

Wolverine: Ug... Has anyone ever told you you're annoying?

Me: That's what the High School Musical people said before I killed them off.

X-Men People: WHAT!?

Me: I won't kill you guys... yet...

TO BE CONTINUED!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Allen: I have a question?

Me: Yes?

Allen: Why is Fall Out Boy here?

Me: (Laughs) Good question... Why don't you ask your girlfriend?

Scott: MY LITTLE BROTHER DOES NOT HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!

Allen: (Mumbles) Yeah I do.

Andy: Oh really who?

Pete: God Andy you sure are nosey.

Andy: SO!?

Allen: If I say I'm gonna get murdered aren't I?

Me: Yeah probably... I can always tell them.

Allen: NO ITZ GOOD I WILL!

Me: Awww I wanna do it!!!

Allen: I'm going out with...

Kitty: ME!

Pete:... WHAT THE HELL!!!??? MY LITTLE SISTER IS GOING OUT WITH THAT LITTLE MANWHORE!!!

Scott: Hey my brother is not a manwhore.

Jean: Wow... Did he just say sister?

Kitty: (Sighs) Unfortunately he did.

Bobby: YOU ARE THE PETE WENTZ SISTER!!!!!!

Kurt:... Don't you guys have dif. Last names.

Pete: Well duh... I mean what kind of idiot would have the name Peter Pryde? Pete Wentz is kick ass!

Joe Tro: You made up your last name?

Patrick: DUH JOE!! He told us this like a million times.

Joe Tro: Told us what?

Andy: You're high again aren't you?

Joe Tro: Huh?

Andy: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THAT POT!!!

Joe Tro: (Passes out)

Me: Hey wake up!!! I want some of your stuff!

Pete: Are you old enough to smoke?

Me: And is your sister old enough to be pregnant?

X-Men Peeps: YOU'RE PREGNANT!!!???

Kitty: Uh... hehehe

Pete: (Passes out)

(All of the sudden a random person comes in)

Adam: NO WORRIES EVERYONE!!! ITS SISKY BUSINESS!!

Bobby: Adam T. Siska?

Adam: Yupyup

Jean: Bobby how do you know all of these people?

Bobby: Cuz Decaydance and FBR kicks ass.

(The rest of TAI appears)

William: Totally dude!

MGC: Ello mates.

Pyro: (Appears) Yo Michael.

MGC: Oh, how's it goin little brotha.

Jean: You guys are related?  
Bobby: Can't you tell by the Aussie accents?

Jean: What's an Aussie?

Butcher: Hey where's Mike at?

MGC: He went for a good trimmin of the front, back, and sides.

Gabe: (Appears) No comprende mi amigo.

Me: YAY ITS GABRIEL!

Gabe: Yo, who is that?

Me: ME!

Gabe: Oh hey wuz up?

Me: Eh not much... Just sitting around.

(All of the sudden VickyT and Ryland appear)

VickyT: GABRIEL ELDUARDO SAPORTA!!!!!!!!!

Gabe: Oh shit... Eh, Hey Victoria, Ryland.

Ryland: Sorry Gabe, but I kinda told Vic about what you did to Gizmo.

Jean: I don't mean to be rude but CAN YOU PEOPLE GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE!!!

Bobby: God Jean don't be mean... Victoria Asher... The sexiest lady alive CAN I HAVE UR AUTOGRAPH!!!!!!!???

VickyT: Uhh... Sure kid... (signs a napkin and gives it to him)

Kitty: I agree, can't you all leave.

Gabe: Hey you're little Wentz JR. aren't you?

Ryland: Awww your Pete's little sister... Your so cute how old are you 9, 10?

Kitty: IM SIXTEEN!!!

Ryland: (Laughs) Really, wow you sure don't look nothin like Pete.

Me: Because Pete is sexy... Like all of the other FBR and DD guys.

Gabe: Oh, oh so sexy.

Sisky: AND I AM THE SEXIEST!

Bill: Pshhhh... No way Adam.

Gabe: Everyone knows I AM!

Ryland: No!! (Runs into the closet and then comes out with a brown jacket and hair slicked back... and is now talkin in a British accent) Hello everyone... Guy Ripley here reporting for the BBC world news... Announcing I AM THE SEXIEST!!!!!!!!

Me: You all are damn sexy.

Guy: But I happen to be the sexiest.

VickyT: I agree with Guy.

Gabe: Does that mean you forgot about what I did to Gizzy?

VickyT: Oh yeah I forgot (starts chasing Gabe) I AM GONNA FUCKIN KILL YOU SAPORTA!!

Guy: Well folks... Looks like this isnt gonna be pretty. Guy Ripley here heading you into a commercial break... Delicious.


	3. Chapter 3

_Okay peeps so here's the dealio. I'm going to continue this chapter like normal but from now on it's going to be a torture and murder... I mean question and answer fic. I know this has been done a lot, but no one has with FBR and Decaydance bands. So, just send a review torturing, asking, or doing pretty much anything to Fall Out Boy, The Academy Is..., Cobra Starship, and of course the beloved X-Men and you're wish will be my command... or theirs actually._

_**I pretty much own nothing**_

_**I kinda renamed Alex (Havok) Allen though, there's a long story behind that and I don't feel like going into it.**_

Pete: **wakes up** Did I hear my sister is pregnant?

Kitty: Uh... NO

Patrick: Yeah you did.

Me: And I bet it just burns you up knowing its not yours. It's not yours right?

Pete: IT BETTER NOT FUCKING be!!!

Patrick: Pshhh I wish.

Pete: **Glares at Patrick**

Patrick: I mean... Oh look a fish **Runs off**

Pete:... Pregnant?

Jean: When did you start fucking around??? I didn't think you had it in you.

**everyone stares at Jean**

Jean: I mean... Sex is not a game.

Me: Then why do you always play it?

Jean: **grins** Because I never lose.

Me: Speaking of games... Does anyone watch the bachelor?

**everyone shakes head no**

Me: Neither do I! But I'm going to make my own version!!!

X-Men People: Can't you just leave?

FBR people: Don't be mean she's coolio!!

Me: Yes. Yes I am.

Pete:...pregnant..

Me: Petey are you okay?

Pete:...pregnant.

Kitty: OKAY PETE WE GET THE FUCKING POINT!! I AM PREGNANT!

Patrick: Slut

Kitty: SHUT UP!

Patrick: Whore.

Kitty: BORDERS BOY!

Patrick: **grins** you know I'm your borders boy, my little sex kitten.

Pete: **not hearing Patrick** so the little blond surfer is the father?

Kitty: **mumbles** so far as I know.

Allen: What is that supposed to mean?!

Kitty: **Quickly** nothing.

Pete: Is it safe for a sixteen year old to be pregnant?

Andy: If they take care of themselves.

Pete: How would you know Andy?

Me: **cough** nurse Hurley.

Bobby: **laughs** you're a nurse? Dude that's like a girls job.

Andy: Is not!

Bobby: Is too!  
Andy: Is not!

Bobby: Is too!

Andy: Is too!

Bobby: Is not! Wait...

Andy: HA!

Bobby: Grrr...

Me: Hey I have a really good idea! Let's turn this into a torture... I mean question answer fic. That means the reviewers can send in commands... I mean questions and you guys will be forced to answer them.

Bobby: That's gay!

Me: Your gay!

Bobby: I am not!

Me: I'm the freaking writer, I can make you gay if I want to.

Bobby: I hate you.

Me: That's what they all say.

**a.n: okay... so send in ur reviews and I'll get to them asap**


	4. Dedicated to my good friend Katherine

I dedicate this chapter to my good friend Katherine who reminded me this story exists

_I dedicate this chapter to my good friend Katherine who reminded me this story exists_

_I own nothing but myself... And Grace. Yeah Grace I own you what now!?_

_a.n: this is just for humor based on some stuff I came up some of my friends. Please note that in this Kitty and Pete are sister and brother. I also changed Alex to Allen. And ummm... That's about it I think._

Katherine: **comes in** Finally you got off your lazy ass and decided to continue this!!

Bobby: **groans** Why did you have to remind her?

Me: I'm sorry I have been busy!

Katherine: Doing what!

Me: Homework...

Katherine: You don't do your homework!

Me: SHUT UP!

Jean: Why are you bringing random people to torture us?

Me: Because no one is reviewing and suggesting ways to torture you guys so I am gonna do it myself!

Jean: Do you have a life?

Me: Does it look like I have a life?  
Bobby: No

Me: SHUT UP BOOBERT!

Katherine: I told you, you weren't a nice person!

Me: I am a nice person right?

Decaydance/FBR people: RIGHT!

**everyone else is silent**

Me: At least the cool people think I am nice.

Jean: Because you don't torture them!

Me: Yes I do. Watch... Patrick tried to sleep with Kitty a couple years ago.

Pete: WHAT?!

Kitty: THAT IS TORTURING ME NOT THEM!

Me: Whoops

Patrick: Ummm... I'm gonna go... Go get some ice cream. **Runs off**

Pete: PATRICK MARTIN STUMP!! **chases him**

Bobby: Haha, his initials are pms.

Kitty: Thank god those two are gone!

Jean: yeah we just need to get the rest out now.

Gabe: I DON'T WANNA GO!!

Me: Don't worry Gabe you don't have to go.

Gabe: YAY!!

Scott: Can VickyT stay here too?  
Jean: **glares at VickyT**

VickyT: Its not my fault your boyfriend has good taste. And besides I am with Ryland **turns around to see Ryland sitting on the couch watching TV with Katherine**

Scott: You were saying?

VickyT: **sighs** Do you have a basement?

Scott: YAY!! **leads VickyT to the basement**

Jean:...

Me: Hmmm I got an idea. Does any watch survivor?

Adam: MY BROTHER IS ON SURVIVOR!!

Me: Yes Sisky we know. Anyways... **snaps fingers and all of the sudden everyone is on an island**

Scott: WTF WE WERE ABOUT TO GET BUSY!

Bobby: WTF IS GOING ON HERE?!

Jason: Hey bro what are you doing here?

Adam: JASON!! **runs over and hugs his brother** Jason Siska equals total domination.

Me: **mumbles** even though he is stupid.

Jason and Adam: What?

Me: Nothing.

Pete: **sees that him and Patrick are in the same place again** PATRICK!!

Patrick: Oh shit... **takes off running**

Pete: **chases him**

Jason: Wait there are killer rabbits over there!

**All of the sudden Mad As Rabbits by Panic At The Disco starts playing**

Kitty: You have got to be kidding me!

Me: **evil laugh**

Kitty: Do you know everything about me?

Me: Pretty.Much.

Bobby: What is with the dots?

Me: dots are pretty.odd. don't you think?

Kitty: I FUCKING HATE YOU!

Ryan: **appears** Hey Brendon I found her!

Allen: Who is Brendon?

Kitty; SHIT!! **takes off running**

Allen: WHO IS BRENDON?! **chases after her**

Jason: THERE ARE KILLER RABBITS OVER THERE!!

**everyone but Katherine and Ryland run off**

Katherine: Are we the only normal people here?

Ryland: I guess so.

Me: You guys want me to order you a pizza?

Katherine: We are on an abandoned island you retard!

Me: That's what they want you to think. Turn around.

Katherine: **turns around to see a city** ohhh...

Me: Don't tell the others about it okay.

Ryland: Can the pizza be pepperoni?

Me: Sure.

Ryland: Okay I wont tell.

To be continued...

Next Chapter involves Panic At The Disco (obviously) YAY

a.n. just to point something out... Jason Siska (From the latest Survivor) is really the older brother of Adam Siska (Bass player for The Academy Is...)

sorry for torturing you so much Grace... It is just really really really really really really fun.

I still lylas


End file.
